By Jim Gaffigan CBS News February 24, 2019, 9:58 AM Emcee hammered: The Oscars go on without a host

Oscar statuettes are seen backstage at the 2017 Academy Awards at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles. This year there will not be a host guiding the proceedings.

Matt Sayles/Invision/AP

There is no host for the Oscars this year. Oh my gosh, what does that mean? No host? That sounds like absolute chaos. That would be like a horseless carriage! Or an elevator without an operator.

What's next, a car without a chauffeur? That would be certain death. Someone is probably gonna die tonight, you people! Heck, I'll watch that. Talk about a National Emergency!

Comedian Jim Gaffigan. CBS News

No host!?! That means there will be nobody to start the show. The show will have no beginning and following that logic, no end! This year the Oscars may never end!

Without a host there will be no one to jokingly say near the end of the telecast, "We're halfway through, folks! He he he!"

No opening monologue, which people will criticize online for being way too irreverent, or way too bland, or "the worst ever." The Oscars will just be good-looking people giving good-looking people awards for pretending to be other good-looking people.

Thankfully, even without an Oscar host, there will still be the red carpet before the show, where people in thousand-dollar dresses will tell us to live more responsible lives. Most importantly, we can find out who is wearing who, and learn what people think about "the Oscars not having a host."

There is no host for the Oscars this year. Maybe it means nothing, but I think it's a trend. No host for the Oscars, no comedian at the White House Correspondence dinner, no cashier at those automatic checkout lanes at the grocery store – it's obvious the robots are taking over. These are troubled times.

… There should be a movie about that. I'd vote for that…

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Story produced by Amy Wall.